Okay, people, let’s keep it real.
I like food. I’m sure I’ve mentioned that multiple times, both in text and on video. I know you know that I know I’m an emotional eater.
So, imagine this scenario. For two days, you aren’t eating, tasting, enjoying a meal. You are ingesting nutritious stuff, mind you, but you’re not savoring the feeling of eating.
On top of that, all the guck that your body tissues have been storing is also being released. Now, that may have been the reason you decided to undertake this in the first place, but it’s a good time to remind yourself that the grease you had with those french fries and the additives in that processed luncheon meat had to go somewhere… and now they’re coming back out.
What that looks like– or rather, what that feels like to me– takes on two forms. I’m moody, and I want food.
A third thing that I’m experiencing right now is physical pain. It started in my hips, what I imagine an arthritic experiences. I was able to stretch, drink water, and endure. The usual calf pain and right hamstring also bothered me, but I’m used to that, and me and my homie salonpas took care of it.
But this morning, boy oh boy, did I have some serious lower back pain. I was walking like a senior citizen on a Doan’s commercial; a wide-stance shuffle. I could barely carry my child without wincing, his weight alone was hard to bear.
Lying down made it worse. I finally was able to rest with my feet propped on two pillows and my knees bent so my legs were in a diamond shape. Funky, but it helped.
Since I’ve been lethargic, discombobulated, foggy, and just plain tired, I’ve been napping every day with my son. This in particular is frustrating, because I feel so unproductive! And yet, when I’m awake, I feel like I’m sleepwalking.
Today, my sister asked me to make dinner… which just so happened to be one of my favorite things to eat- kalua pig and cabbage. Here I am, putting the ingredients together, feeling the pain in my lower back, and frankly, feeling pretty crabby about it all.
“Why can’t I eat? This is my process, after all. How bad can cabbage be?”
One hour later, I’m eating a small portion of brown and white rice, about 1/4 of a whole cabbage, and about two tablespoons of imu-roasted pork from Waimanalo.
No, I’m not proud. Yes, I feel a little bit guilty. And I have no idea how that’s going to affect the outcome. I know I’ve lost traction in terms of pounds lost- I weighed in at 199.9!!!
Yet, I had to do it. And my back pain went away, for about two hours!
So, yes, this is definitely a process. And I’m learning a lot. I know my threshold. I know my triggers. And all I can do is try to apply what I know as I go through it. After all, that’s what learning is, right?
QSN: I completed the cleanse for the day- finishing my 4th cleanse drink. I’m sticking to it– one week to go!
Whoa. I love that u r keeping it real. Honesty is the best policy right? And dang, I bet that kalua pig and cabbage was ono. And, I still say better that u have done that to relieve back pain instead of popping pills. Somehow it just makes sense. I know pain and i know pain = not fun, esp when u feel like u cannot be there for the little guy. But like I said, do what u need to do. And know that you have support no matter what ur decisions turn out to be. Love ya!